Sudbury Assignment: Negotiate, Mediate, Communicate

Many parents want to know what their child is learning at the Sudbury School of Atlanta.  "Sudbury Assignment:" is a series of articles that help parents recognize what sorts of things their children are learning and the depth of experience their child gets at our Sudbury school. 

Sudbury Assignment #3: Negotiate, Mediate, Communicate

A 2012 study of 225 U.S. companies showed that 98% of employers say that communication skills are important or very important skills they consider when hiring.  A 2010 study on behalf of the Association of American Colleges and Universities (AACU) found that 89% of companies feel that colleges and universities should place greater emphasis on "the ability to communicate effectively, orally and in writing."   A 2011 study on behalf of the Accrediting Council for Independent Colleges and Schools (ACICS) found that the top three skills desired by employers are:

1. Interpersonal skills
2. Teamwork
3. Problem solving

These skills are placed even above "job-specific knowledge!"

 If communication skills are seen as critical for nearly all companies in hiring, why is the predominant message of traditional K-12 education, "Don't talk."

Shhhhh.  Don't talk in class.  Don't talk at lunch.  Don't talk in the halls.  Don't talk when going to the bathroom.  Hold your finger over your mouth to remember.  If you talk, you might not get a candy reward or you might get a demerit or even detention.  If you continue to talk in class, you might even get sent to the principal's office to talk about your talking problem.

Does spending 13 years in a system that punishes communication develop strong communication skills in students?  No.  It simply does not.

Previously, I was the Associate Director of the Center for Global Leadership and Team Development at the business school at the University of California, Irvine, a top 50 MBA program.  My job was to provide leadership skills trainings for MBA students and corporate clients.  What were our training priorities?

1.  Communication skills
2.  Teamwork
3.  Problem solving

Sound familiar?  There is no escaping that these skills are essential in the workplace and there is no escaping that the traditional K-12 system actively discourages the development of these skills.   I have also worked for twenty years organizing and facilitating leadership programs for high school students.  High school leadership programs are popular because they focus on these important skills that are discouraged in traditional K-12.

At the Sudbury School of Atlanta, student communication is a priority.  Part of the students' responsibilities at SSA are to build a democracy, create a fair and equitable judicial process and manage the affairs of the school.  How could they possibly take on such large responsibilities if they were not allowed to talk?  What other instances in life do people have to accomplish important tasks without communicating?  The scenario is absurd. 

Students practice negotiation, mediation and communication skills every day at Sudbury.  They learn to work together as they build their democracy.  The must think critically and creatively and communicate through every decision and every vote because they agree to live by what the group decides.   Early on at our school, students spent six weeks negotiating with each other the conditions, rules and expectations for getting two gerbils for the school.  They mediate conflicts with each other every day and if they are not successful, they mediate further as part of the judicial committee until a resolution is achieved.  And if their judicial system or democracy falls short of their needs, they communicate, mediate and negotiate further to create the necessary changes.      

And what about when students choose not to talk?  What should they be doing?  Listening.  At Sudbury, students listen to the perspective of others, discuss personal and community values and priorities and negotiate decisions accordingly.  Negotiation and mediation not only require communicating but also receiving communication, thoughtfully considering another person's ideas and responding appropriately.  Students practice these skills every day at SSA.

Bottom line: If communication skills are a number one priority for hiring employers, shouldn't they be a number one priority for schools?  At the Sudbury School of Atlanta, communication skills are a top priority which is why we build them into the structure of our school.

   

Sudbury Assignment: Prepare for College

Many parents want to know what their child is learning at the Sudbury School of Atlanta.  "Sudbury Assignment:" is a series of articles that help parents recognize what sorts of things their children are learning and the depth of experience their child gets at our Sudbury school. 

Sudbury Assignment #2: Prepare for College

How does the Sudbury School of Atlanta prepare students for college?  SSA immerses students in a college-like environment where personal responsibility and self-direction are of primary importance.

The University of Delaware's Office of Academic Enrichment actively tries to educate parents and students that the environment of college is very different from the traditional K-12 environment.  Their article "Not Grade 13... What's the Difference?" says "Many students begin their freshman year in college carrying with them old habits that may not be useful in this new environment.  If you don't recognize the differences, you may receive an unpleasant surprise when your first exams roll around."  U. Delaware is not the only one.  Other universities like Purdue, Boston College, Southern Methodist University and the University of California all have similar lists. 

The "old habits" are the expectations and structures of a traditional K-12 environment.  U. Delaware and others have identified a fundamental disconnect between traditional K-12 and college that leads to difficulty and potential failure of students in higher education.  Students coming from traditional educational systems are like fish out of water struggling to survive because the two environments are so different.  Let's look at key differences that U. Delware identifies along side the Sudbury model: 

In high school, your time is planned by others, your classes are planned by others and your priorities are set by parents and teachers.  In college and at Sudbury, you manage your own time, you choose your own course of study and you set your own priorities.

Which environment is going to prepare your child better for college?

The one like college or the one unlike college?

In high school, teachers lead you through the thinking process and make connections for you.  In college and Sudbury, you are expected to think for yourself and make connections on your own.

Which environment is going to prepare your child better for college?

The one like college or the one unlike college? 

In high school, if you need help, someone gives it to you, whether you want it or not.  In college and at Sudbury, you have to reach out for help and even if someone sees you need it, they respect your choice not to seek it.

Which environment is going to prepare your child better for college?

The one like college or the one unlike college? 

In addition to these key differences, in traditional K-12, most students do not have the freedom to choose the areas of study that interest them.  There are endless common subject matters that are majors in college and careers afterward that are never addressed in high school classes:

Business 

Engineering

Computer science

Journalism

Sociology

Psychology

Philosophy

Leadership

Architecture

Anthropology

At best, these areas are relegated to an after-school club.  In college and at Sudbury, students have the freedom to pursue any chosen area of interest.  

Which environment is going to prepare your child better for college?  

The one like college or the one unlike college?  

Students at SSA spend every day of their K-12 years in an environment much like college.  So, when students get to college, they are very comfortable and already successful living in an environment of personal responsibility and self-direction.  They also may have been studying subjects in their major for years prior because they had the freedom to pursue their interests, just like college.

At the Sudbury School of Atlanta, preparing for college is not something you do when you turn 17 or 18.  It is part of the structure of the school and students prepare for college every day starting at age 5. 

  

Sudbury Assignment: Build a Democracy

Many parents want to know what their child is learning at the Sudbury School of Atlanta.  This is the start of a series of articles called "Sudbury Assignment" that help parents recognize what sorts of things their children are learning and the depth of experience their child gets at our Sudbury school.  Imagine receiving this assignment when you were a student:

Sudbury Assignment #1: Build a Democracy... from scratch.

Then, live by it and refine it daily.  Run meetings by parliamentary procedure.  Negotiate with others on a code of conduct.  Create and maintain a fair judicial process.  Engage in due process and peer-evaluate rule infractions in an impartial manner.  Discuss freedom, equality, and fairness in every aspect of your democracy.  Appropriate the budget as necessary to maintain your democracy.  Evaluate the staff and whether they support you in your democracy.  Vote.  Research what you don't know how to do to keep your democracy thriving.  Create and empower committees to oversee special activities in your democracy.  Create quorum regulations and other processes and procedures to govern the decision making in your democracy.  Create partnerships with outside people and organizations to support your group in areas you might need.  Communicate and negotiate with every other student on each element of your democracy.

Remember, this is a team project.  There is no end date and you will not receive a grade.  There will be no  homework and no teacher to tell you what to do.  The only evaluation of your democracy is your team answering the question, "does our democracy work?"  If not, brainstorm how to refine your democracy and put your ideas into action.  You and your team are responsible for the success of your democracy. 

Key vocabulary: democracy, democratic, equality, fairness, respect, responsibility, rights, reasonable, motion, second, committee, rules, code of conduct, table a rule, lease, contract, accountability, appropriate, adjourn, freedom, consequence.  

Sounds like an innovative year-long curriculum for high school seniors.  Or maybe it is a masters thesis in college?  This is what Sudbury students do every single day starting at age 5 and students love it.

Can you imagine a more powerful experience for students to truly understand how a democracy works or what being a thoughtful, engaged citizen looks like? 

Or should we return to a person standing at the front of the room reviewing the timeline of American wars and politics?  

Your student is part of this empowering and creative "assignment" every day at the Sudbury School of Atlanta.  We look forward to sharing future "Sudbury Assignments" with you.  

Sudbury Parenting: Relationships

As parents, we all want to support our children and encourage them along their educational journey.  However, a Sudbury school is likely very different than anything your child has been to previously.

What can you expect to hear from your child at home?  How should you respond?  What should worry you?  What is normal? 

In a more traditional educational setting, students are not allowed to talk freely in school except at passing periods and break times.  Social interaction is shut down to what is minimally necessary to operate a traditional school.  At home, students may talk about homework, tests, classes, rules, grades and other topics.  When we remove these lightning rods from the educational environment, the student focus changes.

Self-Directed Learning is the Easy Part

Learning comes naturally for young people.  So, pursuing their own learning may not seem particularly notable for your child.  Trying to have a conversation about what they are learning can be similar to asking, "how is the air you are breathing?" or "how was your blinking today?"  "Fine" and "good" are common responses you will hear.  In reality, your child is engaged in non-stop creativity and social interaction.  They are soaking up information like a sponge even if they don't verbalize it.  Because this is a natural process, they likely won't talk about it much.      

Focus on Relationships  

What they will talk about quite regularly are the relationships at school.  Sometimes, it may be the only thing your child talks about.  They will talk about high points and low points.  You will hear about giggles, arguments and accomplishments.  You will hear about every push on the playground, every tear that was cried and every knee that was scraped.  Should you be alarmed as a parent?  No.

When you can't talk in a traditional school, there is little opportunity to develop interpersonal skills.  At Sudbury, students are constantly discussing, negotiating, mediating, role-playing, creating friendships, creating conflicts, resolving conflicts, testing boundaries and processing their experience.  They are vibrant social scientists conducting social experiments all day long in the laboratory of life.  What is notable for the students is that their experiments have emotional outcomes: happy, sad, angry, funny and indifferent.  Because of the emotional component, their conversations at home are going to focus far more on the relationships at school than on the non-emotional ant hill they watched, the book they read or the Lego ship they constructed.

Your child is on a steep social learning curve.  Remember, if you are coming from a traditional educational model, your child has had restrictions on their social interactions.  At Sudbury, their freedom to interact has been restored and they are wobbling through social situations much like learning to ride a bike.  

So, as a parent, know that you will hear a lot about relationships from your child and that is normal.  

What Do I Do as a Parent?

As parents, we spend many years kissing booboo's and "making everything better."  We cringe when our child skins their knee because we weren't there to catch them or hold the seat of their bicycle.  We want to fix things.  We want to make things better.  When your child says they were upset or hurt at school, you will have the incredible urge to call the school and try to fix things.  This too is natural. 

Pause and breathe.

What your child is telling you is likely a 30-second episode from a six hour day of exploration, play, creativity and involvement.  They are processing their experience.  They are talking through the data of the social experiment that didn't turn out the way they expected, good or bad.  Most of the time, the situation was resolved even though they don't mention it.  Most of the time, they just want someone to listen.

So listen.  Reflect back to them what you are hearing.  "It sounds like that was an (exciting, frustrating, confusing) time for you."  Ask how they might address the situation next time.  Then support them.  "I know you can figure it out."

And if they ask for your help?  Share your personal experience and how you deal with situations like that.  Invite your child to keep trying or talk to the staff at the school.  As staff, we talk with students regularly about the many tools they have to solve problems at school.  Empower your child to solve the problem on their own.  "I know you can figure it out."  That is the only way they will learn to navigate the social waters they are encountering.  

If you find that your child is complaining repeatedly about the same interpersonal issue for multiple weeks and things aren't changing, even with your child talking to the staff regularly, feel free to contact us.  We are happy to sit down with you and your child to talk about the experience and new ideas and solutions.  

-Dave Soleil     

Lessons from Sudbury, part 1

As Sudbury parents, you may wonder about what your child does at school.  You know they are learning, but what are they learning?  As Sudbury staff, we have the opportunity to see your children learn and grow hour-by-hour in an empowering environment.  I wanted to share a recent event that demonstrates some amazing life skills that are emerging.  The names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.   

Brandon was playing a game today, something like tag with the other students.  Suddenly, he came stomping into the hallway saying, "Molly keeps changing the rules of the game.  We already did the rules.  I'm frustrated."

"Then you should tell Molly how that makes you feel," I said.

"But I don't want to hurt her feelings.  Will you come with me to tell her?" he said.

"I wasn't there Brandon.  You need to tell Molly how you feel.  I know you can do it."

Brandon did not.  Brandon entertained himself for a while.

Two hours later, Brandon was playing a similar game with other students.  Brandon was frustrated again because rules were being changed and his shirt got pulled.  Instead of coming to a staff member, Brandon said,

"I don't like when the rules change and I don't want my shirt to get pulled.  I will only play if the rules stay the same and no one pulls my shirt."

The other students thought about what Brandon said and unanimously responded, "OK!"  The game continued and all students were happy and included.  

Brandon spoke up for himself today.  Perhaps it was the first time Brandon ever spoke up for himself.  He did not receive a sticker or a reward for his effort.  He did not get an "A+" for personal development.  No adult intervened on Brandon's behalf and no one patted him on the back.  He found confidence in his own ability to speak up for himself.  

What is that lesson worth to a student or to any person's life?  We cannot possibly quantify it but we are proud to create the environment that enables such moments to happen.    

-Dave Soleil              

Trust The Process

At the Sudbury School of Atlanta, we talk a lot about "trusting the process."  Give a child the freedom to learn and they will find their own best path to learning.  That is a core belief at SSA, but as a parent this can be difficult.  You may ask:

How do I know that what my child is doing is valuable?  

What is my child getting out of this experience?  

How can I trust the process if I can't see the process?

As a leadership education consultant, the focus of my work is always on the process of how teams accomplish goals and ways that teams can create a more effective process.  I always tell clients that we must trust our process in order to trust our product.

However, when I work with "high achieving" teens at leadership programs, they are focused solely on the end product and they ignore the process.  They always want to give me the "right answer."  They tell me what they think I want to hear rather than telling me what they think.  The reason is that we have conditioned them with extrinsic motivations, i.e. carrots and sticks.  In traditional schools, these take the form of grades, tests, candy rewards, sticker rewards, honor rolls, honors classes, AP classes, messages of "be the best in the class," or "get good grades," and then we assign even greater extrinsic motivations with honors in Latin like, Magna Cum Laude or Summa Cum Laude.  The literal translations are unimportant because the meaning and the intent are the same.  They are extrinsic motivators to get students to get more "right" answers.  These are not motivators of learning, they are motivators of playing the game of memorizing answers and spitting them out of our short term memory until the reward has been won.

Is this hyper-competitive environment where students are trying to best each other with right answers for teacher appreciation the most effective path to life-long learning?  Independent thinking?  Good decision making?  Definitely not, because the focus is on what you win and not what you learn and how you learn and why you learn and for whom you learn.

Independent thinking is not about selfish thinking.  Good decision making is not about "playing the game."  Learning is not about memorizing.  Being a life-long learner is not about pleasing someone else with right answers just so you get a reward.    

Step outside a competitive reward-driven environment and you will find that when you learn something, you don't do it to win or to beat someone else.  You do it because you are curious and it is satisfying to your mind, body and soul.  That is intrinsic motivation.  That is the motivation and self-knowledge we cultivate at Sudbury.  Having no tests, no grades and no rewards is intentional because we want students to learn for themselves and follow their own passions.  We want students to engage in learning because it satisfies an inner desire rather than an outer reward.    

So, what is the process to trust?  

Your student is learning how to learn.  

At SSA, your student is thinking independently every day.  We don't tell them what to think or what to do to "learn more."  They are constructing meaning every minute of every day in creating, reading, writing, playing and interacting with others.  We take our responsibility seriously not to interrupt or interfere with their learning process.  We understand that the most "teachable moments" happen when a student makes a discovery themselves and creates new meaning for themselves.  That is an incredibly powerful experience that can only happen when students are given the freedom to think and make choices without outside influence.

We also understand that the learning process has a "learning curve."  At SSA, students have the freedom to fail without judgment.  Failures are a necessary part of the learning process and we support students regardless of their failure or success.  Experiencing failures that come out of our own choices demonstrate to us the most effective way forward as a person.  When a child falls off a bicycle, we don't punish them for falling.  We pick them up, give them words of encouragement and invite them to get back on the bicycle.  It is only when we fall to one side or the other that we learn how to balance.  SSA treats learning the same way.  If a child makes mistakes, we give them words of encouragement and invite them to get back on whatever proverbial bicycle they have chosen to ride.  

Learning how to learn is one of the most valuable skills a person can have throughout life.  It is the challenging two-wheeled vehicle that carries us through life pursuits, careers, research, entrepreneurship, leadership, hobbies and personal fulfillment.

And much like balancing on a bicycle, we cannot give it to a child.  They must discover it for themselves.  We trust that if we give a child encouragement and continue to invite them back onto the bicycle that they will find success.

Herbert Simon, Nobel Laureate, professor at Carnegie Mellon and father of the field of Cognitive Science, said:

"Learning results from what the student does and thinks 

and only from what the student does and thinks."  

The freedom to "do and think" is the critical process a Sudbury environment provides and protects.  Trust it.  Encourage it.  There is no more powerful path to learning.

-Dave Soleil

Ask Linda: Do Homeschooling and Sudbury Mix?

Ask Linda is a new series of articles from the Sudbury School of Atlanta where SSA founder and unschooling mom, Linda Levine, answers parent questions about the Sudbury model, transitioning to Sudbury from different educational models and other common questions.  If you have a question for Linda, just email us!   

Q: My homeschooled child is using a specific curriculum at home. How will that fit in with the Sudbury Experience?

All self-chosen pursuits are valued and respected.  What families choose to do in their own homes is, of course, their choice. If there is something that a student has been learning about at home, that s/he would genuinely like to pursue further while at the Sudbury School, the staff will be pleased to discuss any topic of interest with the student/s, provide (or recommend) books on the subject, help the student find interesting websites, videos, DVDs, hands-on materials, etc, related to the subject, and, to the extent possible, arrange for the student to meet with an "expert" or professional in the subject. There is a process through which classes or lessons in a given topic can be requested by students, as well.

We strongly recommend/encourage parents to NOT send curriculum-based "work" with students, but to instead *ask* if the student has anything in particular they want to bring to the Sudbury School for the day, and to respect their child's answer.  If they really are self-directed to work on homeschool "work" they will choose to bring it! If they choose to bring a favorite toy, game, hobby-related materials, or something else that is meaningful to them that day, that is equally valuable, and will contribute just as well to the child's learning experiences! 

The most common/typical time-frame for a Sudbury student (or a homeschooled student) to choose to pursue formal academic studies, if s/he chooses to learn in that manner at all, is when s/he is in her/his teens, and wanting to prepare for college - if attending college is the student's goal.

Here is a link to the first in a series of talks given by alumni of the original Sudbury Valley School, about their experiences at SVS, and what they went on to do after they graduated:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csAiJgvajYo